What is one to do with a moment alone, away from social media, friends, family, stories, work, and everything else? For me, time alone is self-reflection time. A time to listen to all the voices in my head, visualize, and make some decisions. This is where I let my emotions take charge, a tear may drop, a smile too, or just a moment with my eyeballs stuck on anything they land on for a duration that is not predetermined but dictated by the emotions therein.

Yesterday, I took an unplanned evening walk along a muddy and empty street in Moroto town just trying to find my way back home.

When I was a child, I always had hallucinations that made me label everything as a potential threat, a reason I wouldn’t dare walk on an empty street alone and partly a reason I grew up introverted. I trained myself to listen to the voices of nature and I could recognize their level of threat by the energies they present as I walked by and often activated the survival brain if I felt uncomfortable. Rarely did I feel a positive energy as long as I was alone. Gosh!!! is this what it means to be a coward?

Well, whatever it is, this time I was up to beat it, I decided to distract myself from any negative energies as I walked along this street. I looked for a company from anyone I would find in my mind, there are a few people who have always been good company whenever I’m lost in thought, this time, none of them showed up, instead an old friend came through.

He wasn’t so different from the last time I set my eyes on him, a very charming look, big brown eyes, shiny black hair, and not to forget his smooth brown skin. He still had that grey scarf wrapped around his neck and ooh his wrist was never without a watch. The sound of his voice was magical, even the hardest heart would melt. Behold, the most beloved of my cousins, Alvin.

If angels ever lived on earth, I’m sure Alvin was one of them. We were like twins in the short time we spent together. We shared food, sweaters and knowledge; gosh, this boy was the most intelligent in the entire Amuria district. Growing up, He spent most of his days in the hospital, and on medication whenever he was home or school; but through it all, his smile never faded. I can’t think of any cousin I loved more.

A few months before he went to be with the Lord, Mom had prepared beans for lunch, by then, Alvin and I had a special love for cabbages, we refused to eat as long as there was no cabbage on the menu; we did it, the cabbage was availed. That was the last meal we shared because I left for school shortly afterward. A few weeks before the end of the school term, Alvin breathed his last. I was sitting exams, so no one ever told me about his death until I returned home for my holidays. I visited his grave to talk to him, this time without hearing the sound of his captivating voice, I told him that I loved him and wept away.

My then young mind didn’t understand what Alvin succumbed to until his passing; Sickle cell it was. It took away my Alvin, my soldier. I can only wonder what life would have been If his pure heart was still beating and what lengths I would go to see him smile and be happy.

The memory of Alvin helped me shine a light on two things; the energies we spend in hating and the effort we put into loving those we are associated with. Right about now, someone somewhere is not in talking terms with their daddy, mom, sister, brother, or friend over things that probably don’t matter. It doesn’t matter right now because you see them, you can feel their shame and you enjoy being the reason for their sadness.

Imagine life without that person, and what you would have done if you had another chance with them.

You simply should spend your energies loving the people you care about; you will wish you loved them more when you can no longer hear their voices or feel their heartbeat.